How much longer?
That's been the million dollar question for my housing situation. It feels like I keep praying to turn a corner yet that corner never seems to come. It's a disappointing and infuriating cycle. One that grates on the soul. It fills me with despair the longer I go through the experience of being told again "Whoops the property manager didn't use the right wording in this letter. Try again next time." I want to bash my head against a wall. I want to just wake up and be free of this cycle. It honestly feels like a sorta a metaphor of buddhist samsara.
The old coworker friend who's storing my old stuff is going to be working on his garage soon and that means we're going to have to figure out a new place to store my stuff till I get a new apt. God, I've probably promised that guy a million times that I will find a new place by the end of the month. All to no avail unfortunately. I feel like a complete asshole doing it. I really worry what's gonna happen to my stuff if I don't get rent help taken care of soon.
Sometimes I worry I'm meant to stay homeless. Like I'll never be able to escape. I can't live like this, constantly living in a shelter. Unable to make anything from scratch except maybe a pb & j. I want to cook again, I want to have privacy again! I don't want an eternity of having stupid fights break out in the tiny cramped facility I live in. I don't want an eternity of intoxicated men feeling up my chest on accident when they try to see if my cot is empty. Then him falling asleep in me and two other girls' bathroom in the middle of the night. Of men trying to hit on me or act chummy w me when I have no interest. I just want my own space.
It's hard for me to not take inconveniences personally. Last week, the shelter I live at now had the place closed from 11 am - 1 pm for the thursday deep clean. Since I learned this is a pattern on Thurs, I figured it'd be at the same time. But today it was closed from 12 pm to 4:30 pm. Which thwarted a lot of my plans. I planned on waiting it out, getting my laptop out, and working some shit out like taxes before therapy. Now I'm going to have to do my taxes later because all my tax documents are on my laptop. It feels like time wasted all cuz this deep clean schedule is inconsistent.
It doesn't feel good. Especially considering I have a cold... AGAIN. I would've liked nothing more than more than to keep my cot up and lay around. But due to the deep clean close, I gotta make public spaces my sick nest. It feels so embarassing. And like such a shit thing in that it increases the likelihood I might accidentally spread my cold to other people. At least I'm wearing a mask rn
If you're wondering how the ndrh is working, I'm still having issues with it. It pisses me off that it's so hard to just get a housing provider to give me the right wording in a denial letter. It's like pulling teeth. Makes me feel like I'm not worth it. Just paying it off would be easier than this, but I don't have that kinda money.
Guess who got Sus-PENDED!!!! Uuuuugh... I have to sleep in the lobby of my shelter for tonight and tomorrow. All because I had a meltdown on Friday. It really pisses me off. I Was having issues and nobody cared what those issues were, they just cared about how my upset made me act. One person I told about this told me this was probably illegal since my emotional dysregulation was disability related. I agree but I doubt I can bring this up to staff. At least until Monday.
I went to the library hoping to rent out some books but since I already have library books rented out from before I got booted out of my apartment, I can't rent anymore till they're returned. I would do it if that's all it took... But those books are still at an old coworker's house. Double ugh. And I can't get them back till I get a new place. I settled for downloading some ebooks on the wifi.
It just feels like everything has gone to shit for no reason. I didn't even get to submit my documents in time on Friday. Everything just hit a fucking wall and my only recourse is to wait till monday. It feels like such a cop-out to shrug my shoulders and go, welp, guess I just gotta wait.
I'll leave y'all w this
FINALLY FIXED MY SITE! I can't believe I haven't thought of downloading the bg image and add that to the site's files. Then again, I haven't done much on neocities since my old phone died. Anyhoo, I met a roadblock with my pass through docs but it was only one sentence in the letter so the rewrite wasn't too bad. Big thanks to my social worker Tanya for getting that taken care of. The one problem is that the housing stabilization people haven't reset my passthrough documents so I can't submit them. Tried calling them, my phone was deactivated. Tried using someone else's phone, nobody picked up. Best I could do was leave a message and email them. Really hope things get figured out.
In fact, I have had a lot of issues with setbacks today. I wanted to check in with the social services at my shelter so I don't get kicked out and nobody was there. I'm stressed as hell about that one. I really don't want to sleep in the lobby. That place fucking sucks. I'll try talking to the front desk people and tell them the situation. Hopefully they'll understand.
Ho-kay! This broken ass website will have to do for now. I'm Ron/Gretchen/Rongret, I'm 27, and I'm homeless. Right now I'm trying like hell to get housed. It feels like pulling teeth trying to get the right documents and what not. Overall, I'm very anxious right now and I really just want to get my own damn apt already. It feels like I've waited a thousand years and the staff at the shelter I'm at are probably losing patience too. How long can this shit go on? It feels almost like I'll never be able to get my own place.